Doubt
by CerealKillerZero
Summary: Episode tag: Two Daughters. Because Ian is a cold bastard when he wants to leave Megan. At least, that's what Colby thinks and there is something he needs to get off his chest. One Shot.


Episode Tag: Two Daughters

AN: So this is just a little scene I came up with while watching Two Daughters, because as much as I like Edgerton, he is a real bastard sometimes. Particularly in this episode when he seems quite willing to just let Megan bleed to death, so long as he gets the bad guy. This scene takes place the same evening that Don is talking to Alan at the house, after Megan is rescued.

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"You would have left her to die." It was a statement, not a question, but it lacked the outright condemnation Ian was sure the words deserved. He took a long swallow of his drink before answering, the scotch burning as it trailed down his throat.

"Yes." His companion inhaled sharply, as if having his suspicions confirmed had hit him with the same force as a physical blow.

Ian swallowed another mouthful before setting his glass down on the bar and turning to face the other man. Colby's thumb was picking at the label on his beer bottle. He was staring at the paper flakes he was creating as if they held the answers to the universe. Clearly, Colby was upset, but Ian wasn't exactly sure what answers the younger man was looking for, especially from him. In fact, if Ian had realized that the invitation out for a drink would include brooding and possibly some form of heartfelt sharing, he would have declined. Snipers don't talk about their feelings.

"I think I would have too," Colby admitted in a soft voice. He looked over at Ian with a lost expression. Ian sighed, then caught the eye of the bartender and gestured for a refill. Damn Eppes for having a team full of headcases. And damn him twice for going home for the night, instead of being the one dealing with this.

"She isn't dead, Colby. Eppes and Sinclair wouldn't have let either of us take off in that car, even if it had been a sure bet that we would have caught Hoyle." Ian reminded.

"I know that. It just worries me that, if I had been in the situation alone, something different would have happened." Colby replied and looked back down at his bottle again.

"I'm not like David and Don. They don't detach themselves the way I do. They feel everything and they wouldn't leave Megan or anyone else on the team to die. And I would have. What kind of cold bastard am I?" Colby asked in a rush. Ian considered this. Clearly Don wasn't the only member of this team with a penchant for self-flagellation.

"Why would you have gone after Hoyle?" Ian asked.

"What kind of question is that? I would have gone after her because she is dangerous and crazy. She's killed several people and altered her behavior now that we've got Buck. We have no idea what kind of damage she could do next." Ian nodded at this.

"Okay. Don knows all of that too, right?"

"Of course." Colby replied with a bewildered glance, not understanding where Ian was going with this.

"And yet he chose to not pursue Hoyle. He weighed one agent's life against all of the potential victims of a spree killer, and decided that one agent was worth more. Sounds like Eppes can be a bit of a cold bastard, too. If it's not someone he personally knows, it's not that important. Is that it?" Ian asked, trying to provoke a reaction.

"That's not fair! Don wouldn't…" Colby began defensively. Ian held up a hand to stop the younger agent from continuing.

"He made a judgment call, Colby. He is trusting that we will get another shot at Hoyle and I think we will. It is still a gamble, but in the one moment he made that decision, he wasn't thinking about the case at all. He reacted to seeing the blood of a fellow agent, a friend, and shut off everything else. That's it. Sinclair as well." Ian told him. He shifted on his barstool a bit before continuing.

"You and I will never do that, and you know why." Ian finished, grabbing the refill the bartender set down.

"Because we've seen too much? We've gotten so used to sacrificing friends for some goal, some mission, that it is a gut reaction to just let them die?" Colby asked despairingly.

"No, Granger. It isn't a gut reaction to let someone die. It is a gut reaction to do everything that you have to so that the most lives will be saved. It's what we were trained to do."

"It's different now though." Colby protested

"You thought that you would just be able to turn off the part of you that is a soldier?" Ian asked, a little incredulously.

"No, that isn't what I meant. I guess I just thought it would be easier." Ian snorted at that.

"Why do you think I work alone? I can focus on just the mission, doing the job, and then getting away. I don't deal with any of the fallout." Ian stated pointedly. Colby grinned a little at that.

"I guess I'm ruining your lone wolf thing here then, huh?" Colby asked, gesturing between the two of them with his beer bottle.

"Only a little." Ian replied, straight faced. Colby grinned back.

"Look, Colby, in all seriousness, I don't think you've got anything to worry about. You are a good agent and you bring a lot to your team. Don't second-guess yourself so much. Hell, Eppes is way to stubborn to let you do anything you'd regret anyway."

"You're probably right about that."

"Of course, I'm right." Colby rolled his eyes at that.

"What about you though? Don't you ever worry that you will go too far?" Colby asked. Ian gave the younger man a long look before shaking his head.

"No. I was born for this. The job chose me and doubting myself would only prevent me from doing it well." With that Ian finished his drink and gestured for Colby to do the same.

"We should probably head out and get some sleep while we can. If Hoyle turns up on the radar overnight, I'd at least like a little sleep before we go chasing after her." Ian said while dropping down a few bills on the bar to cover the drinks. He waved off Colby when he attempted to do the same.

"You're right. Thanks, Ian" Colby said, meaning more for the talk than the free drinks.

"Don't mention it." Ian said seriously. Colby flashed a grin and nodded. They both stood and walked out to the parking lot. Ian waited for Colby to drive off before climbing into his truck. He took a deep breath after settling himself in the driver's seat. As he exhaled, he considered Colby's question again. Did he doubt himself? He told Colby no, as it was clearly what the junior agent needed to hear, but was it really his honest answer?

Ian shut his eyes and let his head drop to the seat back. He thought about the brief stab of horror he allowed himself to have at the sight of blood on the ground of that dingy hotel room. He thought further back to his earlier flashes of annoyance at Buck Winter's poetry, the satisfaction of the boy's capture after his shot, and even the small flicker of guilt at what occurred behind the closed blinds in the interrogation room. He then contemplated the hot rush of fury that he felt watching Hoyle drive away, fury that for a second turned on Eppes when the man refused to hand over his keys. But doubt? No, he decided, not even for a second; and perhaps that was the most worrisome thought of all.


End file.
